His teenage brain lacked reasoning and downloaded the messaging without question.
By Marria Cassano
Writer and Editor
At 13 years old, I was talking to strangers in AOL chatrooms and reading articles about how to remove body hair, lose cellulite, and flirt with men. When Mike* was 13, he was reading 4chan threads and watching Ben Shapiro “destroy” feminists on YouTube. On the surface, Mike and I have nothing in common.
He’s a man and I’m a woman. He’s tall and I’m short. Judging by his avatar on Reddit (where I contacted him), he’s a person of color and I’m white. He’s also a decade younger than me, making him Gen Z and me a Millennial.
As a journalist who writes essays about women’s empowerment, involuntary celibates should be my sworn enemies. Contrary to popular belief, though, I don’t hate men. I hate misogynistic values that perpetuate prejudice, and men like Mike are victims of it, same as me.
Advertisement
In the 1980s, blues musician Daryl Davis taught us a valuable lesson: Communication is the key to overcoming hatred. Davis, a Black man, spent 30 years befriending members of the KKK. Through honest discourse, he convinced over 300 Klansmen to give up their robes and rethink their racism.
When we set aside our differences (no matter how massive) and talk to someone, we can’t help but recognize their humanity. After all, no one considers themselves the villain in their own story; they must have some reason for doing what they do.
I asked Mike if I could interview him about his experience as a self-proclaimed incel in the Manosphere, and he agreed. His story provides invaluable insights into how young men fall prey to these communities — and how they can find their way out.