This is a proven fact. The scientific research which was carried out by the University of Toronto proved that children whose parents divorced are more vulnerable to become victims of unhealthy habits and smoking in particular. The study shows that they are 48% likely to start smoking because of trauma and the desire to suppress their feelings. Teenagers who have gone through their parents’ divorce may feel overloaded with the parental emotional support of taking care of younger siblings; may expect you to compensate for the divorce losses, may feel uncomfortable seeing their parents dating new partners, may experience chronic fatigue, have troubles concentrating.
Why Is Divorce so Painful for Children?
The thing is we all know what being a teen is like. It is especially tough for adolescents who are “lonely wolfs” at school. As they can actually have a lot of personal problems, that they feel ashamed to share. Their house and family circle can be the only place where they are greeted, loved and supported. Losing such an important part of their lives as a family can bring mental breakdown. And when teenagers have a breakdown, they are easier to be conquered by drinking or smoking.
It is especially painful for children to know that their parents are going to court hearings and make meetings with attorneys, as it makes the matter seem even more serious for them. The best option would be to file a divorce online. Get divorce papers and all necessary divorce forms and do not give your child a sign of that something is wrong with their family. Complete all operations online and get documents needed to file for divorce in a shorter period of time.
How to Get Through a Divorce to Not Cause Any Harm to the Psychological State of Children and Their Future?
First of all, the way the child gets over its parents’ divorce dramatically depends on the way its parents managed it. If the parents did not manage to find the balance and follow the generation gap, a child can be overloaded with adult problems. The process of divorce is a lot less harmful if the parents try to make it peaceful. You can prevent your child from falling into the trap of smoking if you remember these principles:
- create a feeling of safety. A child needs to have earth under its feet so that he knows that he is a teenager, a usual kid who is going through the interesting t period of their life – something between childhood and adulthood.
- maintain the character of both parents positively. Even if you hate your spouse you must not reveal these thoughts to your child.
- showing love from both parents. Both mum and dad need to take equal part in bringing up a child.
Use the divorce to show an example of how a civilized conflict can be solved. Giving your child such an experience, you can make them more mature in a mental way. This is not necessarily a negative experience. It should be perceived as an opportunity to introduce the child to the world of relationships and how to manage them properly.
Obviously, children of different ages react differently. For example, children under 3 years old have an extremely tight bond with their mother so the well-being of the child largely depends on the well-being of its mother. For children from 3 to 5 years old, the divorce undermines the belief that the world is a safe place. Their biggest fear is the loss of a caregiver. Children aged 6 to 9 years old are more puzzled by the way their peers would perceive them. If their estimation is negative, it can cause the feeling of being lovely and unaccepted.
Thus, How to React If You See That Divorce Affected Your Child?
There must be a border between children-and-parents and wife-and-husband relationships. Do not turn your kid into a confederate, slave, jury or supporter. Do not let them take someone’s side.
Is Divorce Always a Bad Decision?
There is no doubt that there can be a situation when separation or divorce is a choice that will inevitably benefit both sides. The idea of a ‘normal family’ for the sake of your child is not the best option. Of course, each situation is different, for some people it is better to fix the marriage that has been broken. Sooner or later, the child will be mature enough to notice that you are just creating a fake illusion of a happy family, that all of that theatre is for them. These thoughts can bring about feelings of guilt, which eventually lead to anxiety. ‘They are destroying their lives so that I have a happy family’. It is difficult to have close relationships in adulthood with such a piece of heavy luggage. It is better to get divorced to not keep yourself in a cage living together with your spouse just to make an impression of a full family.