We are not all lucky to grow up next to our parents, relatives, or loved ones. Some of us are forced to face the harsh realities of life by going into foster care or children’s homes due to the loss of parents or unfit parents. Although not everyone experiences the tough side of foster care, many children attest that growing up in a children’s home or foster care is not a bed of roses.
Yes, such programs are here to help, but they end up subjecting the kids to physical, emotional, and psychological torture, which forges their future. This piece discusses eight challenges an adopted adult will likely face and how to solve them.
Many of us have not heard of adult adoption, but it happens, especially in cases where you want to pass inheritance rights and have no descendants. Or in cases where you want to add someone who has shown you filial piety. With the abortion restrictions, you’ll see more adoption cases because people no longer have the right to choose.
An identity crisis occurs when a person lacks a sense of belonging. Due to a lack of affection and constantly moving from one foster care to another, adopted persons lack someone or something to identify themselves by. This lack of unfixed belonging leads to identity crisis issues in adulthood.
Signs of Identity Crisis
- Questioning your purpose in life
- Doubting your character
- Changing your values and morals
Ever heard the phrase change is inevitable? Well, it is, but not for this group of people. Adults who have been to children’s or foster homes do not like change. The ‘home’ system takes children through a lot of changes. From changes of homes, from one to the other, to living with different kids now and then. Such instability causes adopted adults to fear changes, keeping to the same old familiar routine.
The fear of rejection does not come unwarranted among adoptees. This is because many have faced rejection from their biological and adoptive parents.
This fear prevents them from expressing their feelings and opinions to others, causing them to forfeit great ideas and solutions. The common aftermath of this quietness is usually a feeling of guilt, as the adoptees may feel responsible for the failure of a project since they did not make the necessary changes. The fear of rejection in adopted adults prevents them from taking up leadership positions.
Adopted adults may feel a sense of loss due to being put up for adoption. They may feel they have lost the time to bond with their biological parents. This feeling translates to their expectancy of losing something or someone as they grow into adults, unlike kids who grew up in stable families. The sense of loss may distort their ability to see a situation from a glass-half-full perspective, making it very hard to get over a problem.
Lack of anger management in adopted adults is quite a common issue, of which many are just masking their weaknesses. They might have been bullied as kids. These memories are unpleasant; when triggered, they respond by displaying a burst of anger.
As you try talking to them, be as kind as possible. Try calming them down and avoid telling them to seek help during an episode, as this may infuriate them even more. Do remember to take precautions against bodily harm that such individuals may cause.
Adopted adults avoid having a close relationship with other individuals as they fear their flaws may scare others away. They lack confidence and don’t believe they have a right to be loved or pampered.
Therefore, avoidance of other people is quite retrogressive as it leads to a feeling of loneliness which leads to struggles with depression and anxiety.
Searching for a biological parent may start as simple and harmless but quickly become an obsession. Adopted adults struggling with identity crises are most obsessed with such a search. Many adoptees have gone broke while doing these searches. It is paramount that an adult willing to make this search have a financial accountability partner to help keep him in check.
Some of these challenges are easy to fix if you accept yourself and look forward to life with a positive outlook. Don’t stigmatize yourself.
The first step to any form of healing is acceptance. The adopted child needs to acknowledge whatever happened is not their fault; their biological parent chose to put them up for adoption.
This will make it easier for them to deal with issues arising from their adoption stories. It isn’t easy to even think about it at first, but it will be great. As a person dealing with the above challenges, it would be best to surround yourself with people who genuinely care and understand you to help you with these struggles.
Therapy is especially perfect for adopted adults struggling with past trauma and anger. A professional counselor or psychologist will help you navigate your tragic past while keeping you grounded. They allow you to delve into the root of the problem and help you devise a permanent solution. Note that your psychologist may prescribe some medicine to calm your mind. Therapy may be expensive but well worth the expense.
Meditation improves your mood and self-awareness ability. Mediation usually involves control of breathing and thought awareness patterns. It is especially perfect for adults struggling with anxiety or anger management issues. Try taking classes with a professional guiding you to clear your head.
A support group is a gathering of people having relatively similar struggles. The group is a safe space where individuals are free to discuss their efforts and struggles without fear of being judged. Support groups assure you are not alone and that your struggles are not abnormal.
You can start looking for a support group via various social media apps.
There are various reasons parents put kids up for adoption, such as financial struggles, young age, or ailment. If you start searching for your biological parent, you must be ready for any outcome.
The search for biological parents is also not a cheap, so be ready to spend some crazy money on that detective and DNA tests. You also need to be aware of con men who may pose to be your biological parents or know them.
As an adopted adult, you can easily overcome the challenges posed by your upbringing, such as identity crisis, fear of being abandoned or rejected, and lack of self-confidence. First, you need to accept your adopted status; then, for the other issues, you can seek counseling, practice meditation, or search for your biological parents to know why they put you up for adoption.